Journal Journeys

  • All
  • Active Addiction Thoughts
  • Feeling Anxious
  • Finding Healing
  • Inside Depression
  • Mind and Body
  • Travel Moments

I hate having depression

My depression is really bad lately. I find everything meaningless. I don't even feel happy in a quiet bit of nature. I hate having depression.

Getting my mental health back on track

It was the longest period of time I have gone without a psychologist appointment since I first began treatment three and a half years ago. And I was getting weird, real weird.

Depression isn’t weakness, but I don’t feel strong

Depression isn't weakness, but I don't feel strong. Depression is clawing her way back into my consciousness. Usually she dwells in a spot hidden away, and when I put her back she stays there for a while. This time, it's like the lock is broken and she is not staying put.

Weeding out anxiety

I allowed a seed of anxiety to grow and take roots in other parts of my psyche. It is kind of like when a tree brings water up through its roots to nurture itself, only in a much more fucked up and non-poetic kind of way.

What is this feeling? Fear of contentment

I still don’t like speaking of it, of this fear, I don’t want people to become intrusive about me. I don't want the worry of people who don't understand because they've never felt this way.

Dissociating is like being stuck in my head but not my body

I can’t say anything. He wants me to tell him if I’m ok and I am trapped in my head, but not in my body. I can’t move my eyes to look into his.

A child says hello

As they walked away the baby girl watched me and smiled and then started giggling with joy. As if our encounter had tickled her as much as it did me.
fries and burger

Eating obsessions and body negativity

I think I’m emotionally eating. I really need to not do that. I have to be really careful with addictions. I could very easily become an alcoholic I think. I need to be so careful to never do that.

suicidal and not giving up

TW: Suicidal ideation. Raw, honest, painfully real journal journey to a dark time of suicidal thoughts. Get help at call 1-800-273-8255
Neon sign: You are here

Sobriety can be scary and isn’t always easy

Age – 3 months sober Sobriety can be scary, this isn’t easy Nothing negative is happening. I mean, no big things are occurring that I should feel threatened about. This anxiety and fear is coming from someplace else. I can’t sleep. I wake up every hour and am having vivid intense dreams and nightmares. What
Waving the white flag

Learning to tell the truth

Lying so often feels like the easy way out, but I've been learning the hard way that honesty is the only way to face demons and beat them. To learn from the shit in life and to handle the pain of the world, to see the good things and not just the bad.
subway train

I woke up happy but now I feel melancholy

Standing on the platform, I try to ignore the thoughts about what I look like and focus on something else. Anything else. At least I know that the reality is, I don’t know these people and they don’t care about me.
Journal doodle

Contemplating the unspeakable

I hate admitting this, it’s unspeakable, and writing it down makes it even more real. I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot. If I didn’t know the horrific trauma that death causes on the people who love the dead person, I think I’d have done it already.
Ocean Wind

You Are Worth Life, Even If You Want to Give Up

If you are hopeless, want to give up, or are contemplating suicide. Please take a minute to read this and call someone. You aren't alone. You don’t have to go through this feeling alone. You are stronger than you know and more incredible than you believe.
Depression from scrabble tiles

College student and wondering if this is depression

Every day I struggle to get up and go to class. I find no meaning in anything I do and I go to a counselor here on campus, but I still feel the same.
Solo Tree Black and White

Alcoholic spiraling towards rock bottom

Angry at myself. I’ve been drinking every single day for like a week. I know why I’m doing it. Without something to confuse my sense, I don’t have to deal with this internal struggle.
Me Journaling on the beach

How Journaling Has Helped Me Heal

From a young age, I learned that writing about my pain was like talking to a friend. My journal has traveled as far and wide as I have.
Emotional Selfie

When Depression Shows Her Face

Age – 29 Depression weighs on me Why is Depression so heavy? Hanging around in the pit of my stomach, a pulsating orb, a cancer re-emerging after remission. The sorrow is physically manifested in my gut. I feel a deep discontent. A piece missing or shifted into the wrong position. A heavy weight, crushing. Like
skin picking

I Can’t Stop Picking At My Skin

Mom liked to redecorate and renovate. She decked out the main bathroom in blue and put up yellow and blue wallpaper. The dated linoleum floor was replaced with one to match the new décor. The bathtub had always been blue, now the rest of the room was too.

Racing thoughts and intense social anxiety

I prefer to go under the radar than let people get close and reject me once they get to know me. I am afraid to be honest.
Mural Buenos Aires

Exhausted and anxious

No matter how ready this anxiety is trying to make me, there is no way to prepare for doom. Living in fear is a kind of hell.

I am less everything than before

I'm not incredibly sad all the time. I don’t feel much of anything most of the time. I’m not just sadder than I used to be, I’m less everything.
Shadow of someone on a swing

Swinging up and down in depression

Up and down emotions. One moment I feel excited and ready to try something new, and the next I am afraid of rejection and hide back in my bed.
Street Art Face with Mouth Covered

Once a sad little kid now a confused adult

Where is the inspiration I used to have? It feels weird to be an adult and sometimes feel like the same sad little kid I once was.
Red car

Exploring Colonia Uruguay

Colonia del Sacramento in Uruguay moves at a slower pace and is a much needed sanctuary from the never ending commotion of Buenos Aires, across the river in Argentina.
Sky Reflections Buenos Aires

Buenos Aires: City Without a Filter

The air. The air is always different. Buenos Aires air is heavy. It's a city without a filter. Loud noises. Chaotic sidewalks. And a brilliantly blue sky.

Argentina Road Trip Part II: Camping in Tilcara, Humahuaca, and Dreadlocks

Cloaked in a yellow dusty light was the pueblo of Tilcara. All I will say for now about camping in Tilcara during Carnaval is this: Don’t do it.

Argentina Road Trip to Andes Mountains

Intense Carnaval under Tilcara's bright sun, Incan ruins, eating llama, camping in the cold Andes, and viewing the Hill of Seven Colors. There is much to tell.

Dreamy anxiety relief at Posada Itaca, Buenos Aires

My anxiety was growing and I did not know what could relieve it. I visited Posada Itaca, an oasis of a farm only an hour and a half from Buenos Aires.
Landscape with horse Ireland

3 Moments In Ireland I Never Wanted To Forget

The wind was beautiful and soulful, light yes riddled with gusts of beauty. On the walk to Mount Shannon I heard Irish ancestors speak to me in the mist.

Snow Spotted Mountains and Himalayan Goodbyes

The Himalayas were always releasing snow and pouring it down the mountainsides, keeping the stream behind the nunnery filled with fresh water.

Belfast – Visas, Strangers, and Markets

Autumn, 2011 Belfast’s kind strangers We’ve all had those days where everyone seems to be out to get you. It happens when you travel too. When I lived in Oxford, England I was on my lunch break and popped over to the train station across from work to use the passport photo booth. On my

It’s all so crappy, moving is crappy

No, this isn't some city girl complaining about a small town. Easiest way to express how much you don't want to move? Call everything crappy.

Poland: Scary Roads, Christmas Markets, and Vodka

December 2010 Poland: Scary Roads and Christmas Time In a couple previous posts I wrote about being in Berlin for the first time with my friend Olivia in December 2010. After staying in Berlin for a couple days, Olivia’s uncle picked us up and drove us to Wroclaw, Poland. The roads were covered in snow

The Taj Mahal, Fatephur Sikri, and Traveling Friends

May 2007 Making traveling friends in India Previously, I wrote about touters and haggling over rickshaw prices in Agra, India. It wasn’t always such a hassle to get around and I wasn’t always alone. I made friends with some fellow travelers. Flashback to visiting the Taj Mahal, I had just walked away from a man who

Himalayan Memories: Trying To Capture Every Moment

Why, when I am in the midst of an amazing, beautiful and rare adventure am I paralyzed by myself? Why do I fear life? I drift through the days, counting.

Haggling & Cultural Barriers Part II – Navigating India

May 2007 Navigating India, Haggling & Cultural Barriers “When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable.” – Clifton Fadiman India was truly life changing for me, but it was not easy. Without the challenge I would not have grown into the
Irish road

Spur of the Moment in Adare, Ireland

August 2006 Adare, Ireland Literally, written out plans. It was 2006, I was 19 years old and on my first overseas adventure. I’m a highly organized person when it comes to paperwork and planning, so before I took off for Ireland, I created my very own travel packet with information on all my prebooked accommodation,
Taj Mahal

Taj Mahal, Haggling, and Cultural Barriers: Adventures in India

Summer 2007 The Taj Mahal Let me take you back to Agra, India and the insanity of being a naive 20 year old navigating a country she knows very little about. Oh, and did I mention this was her second time ever traveling abroad and she was traveling alone? Wild kid. I went downstairs a

Lost & Ignorant: Culture Shock in Delhi, India

May 2007 Lost and ignorant in Delhi There are a lot of monkeys in Delhi. I’m a seasoned traveler, now, but 6 years ago on my second international excursion that was definitely not the case. I went to India back in 2007, I was going there to teach but I wanted to travel before my

Photography & Memory: Flashback To Living at a Tibetan Nunnery in the Himalayas of India

The symbolism that saturates daily rituals in the nunnery may be religiously profound, but they are also just ordinary experiences to the people who live there.