Digging to Roam

You Are Worth Life, Even If You Want to Give Up

If you are hopeless, want to give up, or are contemplating suicide. Please take a minute to read this and call someone. You aren't alone.

Dear One of a Kind You,

I know very things to be true. I know that the Earth spins around the Sun. I know that everyone experiences the world through their own cultural perception and their lens are skewed and unique to them. I know that while people may be selfish in their immediate experiences, most people are just doing their best at any given moment. I know what it is like to want to give up, and I know what it is like to not give up. I know the world needs you. We need you.

You do know how to feel alive. Maybe it’s never lasted very long or it doesn’t seem that a Joyful You has ever truly existed. Contentment can happen in an instant. A moment is all it takes. It’s feeling like you don’t need anything more than what you have in this moment. There is nothing more to ask for, at least not during the time it takes to breathe in and out, because your cup has enough. It is enough to just breathe. Contentment is a general sense of peace because you accept this moment for all that it is and all that it is not.

You and I have gone through a lot of shit and waded neck high in muck. We’ve both tried to hide it and be strong in our own ways, to just make it work.

I just wanted to disappear for huge portions of my life. Depression can do that to a person. I didn't want to exist in a world full of people who didn't know what it felt like to see in shades of sorrow. Sometimes I still don't. I have experienced suicidal urges and thoughts, and that part of my story I have been hesitant to talk about. For you, I am willing to lay my truth bare so you know that you are not alone.

You aren't alone, I know what it feels like to want to end it all. To sabotage every opportunity and to throw away every blessing, for a drink, for sorrow, for anger. To confuse turmoil inside me with turmoil everywhere. To be so afraid of everything that I was too afraid to stop drinking.

The exquisite pain is, in itself, addicting. Feeling like a failure can grate on your mind and emotions. Not living up to the expectations you think were put on you can feel awful and escaping by punishing yourself feels deserved. I know. I've been there, sometimes I am still there. But I see light too, there's more. You are more. You are incredible, and not a failure in any way. You are not a loser. You are not a fuck up. We all make choices, and some lead us down crazy paths, but that's why there are turn offs to roads that can bring us to better locations.

I believe in you. I always have. I don’t want to lose you. Don’t try to figure out why or how the future will unfold, you can’t get there unless you let your story move forward.

You do know how to feel alive. You are not this person who knows not what joy feels like. Remember.

Do not believe that you are only the sorrow you may be feeling. Or that your existence reaches only to the edges of the pain you have been trying to hide. You are so much more and yet so much less, in the most beautiful way possible.

Each day I make a decision to choose life and I think life has chosen me, too. These days I can laugh loud and honestly. I get in fits of laughter I can't stop, over the silliest most mundane things, it is a kind of joy I thought I had lost in trauma and time. Today, you can choose life, too. I already know life has chosen you, because you are reading this.

You aren’t alone. You don’t have to go through this feeling alone. Ask for help and be willing to accept it if it comes. You are stronger than you know and more incredible than you believe.

I know you may still want to give up, but I hope you choose to stay because I want to walk through the darkness into the light with you.

In sincerity, hope, and light I’m signing off and I hope you do not. Please reach out.

Emergency Contacts

Suicide Prevention

IN AN EMERGENCY CALL 911 (or find your national number on this page)

 

1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

IMALIVE.org
Virtual crisis center

Listings of suicide hotlines worldwide

Young People

IN AN EMERGENCY CALL 911 (or find your national number on this page)

 

1-866-331-9474
Text “LOVEIS” to 22522
loveisrespect.org

 

1-800-422-4453 (4-A-Child)
childhelp.org

 

1-866-488-7386
Text “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200
thetrevorproject.org
Crisis Support

IN AN EMERGENCY CALL 911 (or find your national number on this page)

Crisis Text Line
Text “HOME” to 741741
crisistextline.org

1-800-273-8255
Text “ANSWER” to 839863
crisiscallcenter.org
Domestic Violence

In an emergency call 911
Find more resources here

1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

200 languages (USA based)
TTY 1-800-787-3224
Online chat

hotline.org

1-866-879-6636 (USWOMEN)

International toll-free
pathwaystosafety.org

Suicide Prevention

In an emergency call 911
Find more resources here

1-800-273-8255 (TALK)

Connect with a local crisis center (USA based)
TTY 1-800-799-4889
Online chat
suicidepreventionlifeline.org

IMAlive

Virtual crisis center
imalive.org

International

Listings of suicide hotlines worldwide
suicide.org
Wiki listing

Young People

In an emergency call 911
Find more resources here
 

1-866-331-9474

Help with dating abuse for teens (USA based)
Online chat
Text “LOVEIS” to 22522
loveisrespect.org

1-800-422-4453 (4-A-Child)

Child abuse hotline (USA based)
childhelp.org

1-866-488-7386

LGBTQ youth crisis intervention and suicide prevention
Online chat
Text “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200
thetrevorproject.org

Crisis Support

In an emergency call 911
Find more resources here

Crisis Text Line

24/7 support
Text: “HOME” to 741741
crisistextline.org

1-800-273-8255

Crisis call center (USA based)
Text: “ANSWER” to 839863
crisiscallcenter.org

Originally published 17 November 2017
Page last updated 29 January 2018
By Kristance Harlow

3 Comments

  1. Michelle on January 21, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    I don’t know how much a person is supposed to take I lost my mom in oct. Lost my job then 24 hours later my common law husband decided to tell me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I figure what’s the point??

    • Kristance Harlow on January 21, 2018 at 10:02 pm

      The hardest thing is being in the moment in times like that. Life can be cruel and we can feel so much pain, but I know that there is something else on the other side of that pain. I know because I have seen it and felt it and lived it. The pain can come back, I still think those dark thoughts and right now I’m going through a really challenging depression downswing. What I know, is that eventually I will feel better. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for weeks, but I will feel better. And this pain, this pain will be a distant memory, and one that I can use to help the next person who gets lost in the darkness.

      You deserve life, you deserve contentment, you deserve joy.

      Please reach out to talk to someone, thank you for commenting here, that took strength. Did you check out the page on this site with resources? There are really easy ways to find support whether online, on the phone, or in person. Directory of Suicide and Crisis Resources.

  2. Alice Lynn on November 18, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    A sensitive letter of encouragement and sharing your deepest feelings. You are so brave. Never give up sharing your love and understanding.

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