Digging to Roam

39 Excuses for Not Drinking

17 November 2016

Other people shouldn’t have a problem with you saying no to a drink. Unfortunately, as with many scenarios, “no” is not always accepted as a final answer. There may be people who, for reasons of their own, will pressure you to take that first drink. The fear of this pressure can discourage someone from attending events where their old drinking buddies are likely to be partying. I do not suggest using excuses as a way to manipulate someone, but I do encourage keeping a rolodex of diverse excuses to make people shut up when they won’t stop pressuring you to drink.

Not everyone wants to disclose alcoholism, so what can you say to make people leave you alone? There are a lot of options—from the hilarious to the somber.

Basics

Most people don’t care about other people’s choice of beverage. For these lovely folks, a basic response should suffice for when they have asked you more than once.

  1. “No, really no, thank you.”
  2. “Nah, I’m good.”
  3. “I’m not drinking right now.”

Get Awkward

If you’re anything like me, you enjoy a good uncomfortable and awkward moment. It can be the best comedy fodder for dispersing tension in a room. To capitalize on the awkward, try one of these responses:

  1. Laugh loudly, pause for a moment too long, continue laughing, abruptly stop laughing and solemnly declare, “No.”
  2. Stare at them in silent confusion, laugh loudly, then pat them on the back as you walk away continuing to laugh.
  3. “It gives me runny shits.”
  4. “No thanks,” pause before continuing calmly, “The gas produced in my intestines by alcohol is something no one should experience.” Pause again and end with a dignified, “Really, it’s quite horrifying.”
  5. Tilt your head in exasperation, “Hashtag, ain’t nobody got time for that.”

Read entire article on The Fix

Kristance Harlow

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