Lying so often feels like the easy way out, but I’ve been learning the hard way that honesty is the only way to face demons and beat them. To learn from the shit in life and to handle the pain of the world, to see the good things and not just the bad.
Standing on the platform, I try to ignore the thoughts about what I look like and focus on something else. Anything else. At least I know that the reality is, I don’t know these people and they don’t care about me.
There is a lot of value in talking about survival and moving forward in life. It is important to see what the future can hold, but when you feel alone in the thick of sorrow the only thing that you want is to feel less alone.
I hate admitting this, it’s unspeakable, and writing it down makes it even more real. I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot. If I didn’t know the horrific trauma that death causes on the people who love the dead person, I think I’d have done it already.
If you are hopeless, want to give up, or are contemplating suicide. Please take a minute to read this and call someone. You aren’t alone. You don’t have to go through this feeling alone. You are stronger than you know and more incredible than you believe.
Every day I struggle to get up and go to class. I find no meaning in anything I do and I go to a counselor here on campus, but I still feel the same.
Angry at myself. I’ve been drinking every single day for like a week. I know why I’m doing it. Without something to confuse my sense, I don’t have to deal with this internal struggle.
I have a mission. That mission is to eradicate the stigmas that keep people in pain, too ashamed to seek help or unable to get help. If you want to help me do this, donate to support this work.
From a young age, I learned that writing about my pain was like talking to a friend. My journal has traveled as far and wide as I have.
The author on her wedding day. Courtesy of Adrian Herrera of Victor Herrera Photographers To take care of myself in the months preceding my wedding I had to make a conscious effort to not dive into dieting. Wedding weight loss was off the list of things for me to do, or to even attempt. As…
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