Spring, 2016 - Buenos Aires
Searching for positive qualities
The cutest thing just happened. I came to the Botanic Gardens to do some writing. I found myself a spot on a bench, although no place here allows escape from the noise, this spot is a little insulated from the never-ending traffic.
As I sat, contemplating my very existence, I was interrupted by a stranger. A darling new face. Quite literally, new to the world. Sauntering on wobbly legs, this tiny human was looking at the garden with wonder. A baby girl on an adventure with her parents. She couldn't have been more than a year old. When they neared the bench I sat upon, she walked right up to me. Sweet and friendly, she (with help) climbed up onto the bench and hugged me.
She pointed to the paper I had been writing on. I said, "Sí…dice…um…muchas palabras." She spoke some word in baby talk and hugged me again.
I helped her down and her mom, laughing at her adorable girl, told her to say "chow" (or is it "chau" or maybe "chou" but definitely not "ciao"). The girl veered back and wanted to climb up next to me again. Her parents wanted to continue their afternoon in the park, so her mom swooped her up in her arms. But not before the baby girl and I shared some silly faces.
On their exit, her mother said "un besito” and the girl blew me a kiss, as only babies do, just smacking her lips to imitate the sound she cannot yet produce.
As they walked away the baby girl watched me and smiled and then started giggling with joy. As if our encounter had tickled her as much as it did me.
I needed that.
I can put that on a list of positive qualities I’ve been advised to make. Children feel safe around me. They always have. I have, I assume, a comforting aura or a kind caring energy for children. It is true that children, above many things, pull on my heart strings the most and I am compelled to always always help them before anything else and to, if ever possible, protect them. I want children of my own. I don’t know how my body will handle it, or if I can stay healthy enough, but I hope so.
I can't wait to be a mother, I know I will be a good one, as good as I can be anyhow. I'll try my best and hopefully that is good enough.