39 Excuses for Not Drinking
17 November 2016
Not everyone wants to disclose alcoholism, so what can you say to make people leave you alone? There are a lot of options—from the hilarious to the somber.
Most people don’t care about other people’s choice of beverage. For these lovely folks, a basic response should suffice for when they have asked you more than once.
- “No, really no, thank you.”
- “Nah, I’m good.”
- “I’m not drinking right now.”
If you’re anything like me, you enjoy a good uncomfortable and awkward moment. It can be the best comedy fodder for dispersing tension in a room. To capitalize on the awkward, try one of these responses:
- Laugh loudly, pause for a moment too long, continue laughing, abruptly stop laughing and solemnly declare, “No.”
- Stare at them in silent confusion, laugh loudly, then pat them on the back as you walk away continuing to laugh.
- “It gives me runny shits.”
- “No thanks,” pause before continuing calmly, “The gas produced in my intestines by alcohol is something no one should experience.” Pause again and end with a dignified, “Really, it’s quite horrifying.”
- Tilt your head in exasperation, “Hashtag, ain’t nobody got time for that.”
Read entire article on The Fix
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